Welcome to MissouriBendStudio!

This is an online journal of my artistic investigations and a way to communicate about my work, ideas, quandries and queries! I welcome comments and conversation and do hope you enjoy these musings. My artwork is available in my shop MissouriBendStudio on Etsy.com or on my website.

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Monday, February 14, 2011

The Abandon of Play

A Happy Valentine's Day to all of you gentle readers...warm wishes and hearty thanks for your love and support!  I'm here with another surprise from my past....and this one brought me to a standstill, so to speak.

"Look at that!" I said out loud to no one in particular in the midst of a most bittersweet moment alone in the studio. A friend from town had come over during the week to look at my work and we had moved all kinds of things around, picking work up, putting it down. She leafed through a little pile of handmade books I had on a shelf, some of which I'd made over the years, others by fellow artists. As I went to straighten things up the other day, I laid my hand on a crazy looking book, each page covered in beeswax...it was wild with abandon, drawing everywhere, patches of color laid down willy-nilly, and with each page translucent, including both folded covers, I could see through the layers to pages underneath.


I fell in love with that crazy little book I made years ago and it felt just like seeing myself in a home movie, playing and cavorting without a care in the world, the silence of the intervening years a witness to the inch by inch closing down of that person who really knew how to play in the studio. I didn't make that book as a child, but I probably made it at least 6 or 8 years ago, around the time of those last pieces I unearthed. What happened....what got lost?


Of course, I knew the answer and here's what's happened. For decades after I finished school, I worked in the library at the art school I had attended...not knowing at the beginning that I would be there for 25 years. I kept thinking it would be until I figured out what else I wanted to do, but I was able to support myself in a job that fed my artistic spirit, surrounded by a community of artists, as I cataloged art books day after day. It was a long time before I realized that the job was allowing me to do something very important with my own work in the studio...play. We go through art school thinking that what we must want to do is make art and have it in galleries where people will buy it...that this is somehow the ultimate goal, knowing that if you are very fortunate, you can make a living off your work. I realized at some point during my tenure at Ringling College of Art and Design, that making a living from your work meant that you were under a certain pressure from the marketplace. I was free from that and although I showed my work in countless juried exhibitions over the years, there was never any pressure to do anything that didn't come naturally to me. Even that, understanding what comes naturally to you, takes a very long time to develop.  



I don't work at that little dream job any longer...I left it when we moved to South Dakota.  I made some trade-offs.  I traded the security of a job that supported me financially and artistically, for all the time in the world to be in the studio....but I am subject now entirely to the marketplace in order to have any kind of income. For many years I said that I would keep making art, whether anyone ever saw it or not...that was kind of a test for me, whether you really had it in you....would you continue to make the work even if you didn't have the accolades, the encouragement and the pats on the back. I know that I will continue to make art, but it's different now...in some ways, my art making experience is much, much richer, because of the online relationships I've developed and that continue to grow.  On the other hand, the lesson I must continue to work on....is letting myself play...because that's the only way I can make the work that is unique to me.  And the next lesson is for me to trust the universe that the work will sell....I am very much involved in the marketplace and my life now is all about that balance.


I love random marks, surprise, layering, surface, chaos and a fair amount of disorder when making the  work...I love it when things are not what they seem, because that's the lesson of life....look closely, there is always more and it's not always what you think.  Cheers!!!  

This little book is called Transluscent Days (named this very day!) and will appear in my shop in the next day or two.


16 comments:

  1. it's beautiful and looks like there are so many things to see as you turn the pages. I applaud you on your position in the world of art. I art for fun more than anything, but those who depend on it for their bread and butter, I can only imagine the struggle. I certainly read about it on different blogs. Yay for you to let go of that and create for the love of it!
    Happy Valentines Day!

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  2. thanks for you support indie grrrl! that little book does have a lot to look at....it's funny that I actually don't remember making it. This has been my first actual year of depending on the sale of work, financially...so I'm still working my way through coming to terms with it all! Have fun with your creative process!!!

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  3. Another lovely self re-discovery Patti. I keep thinking that a lot of your work has a playfulness and whimsy; a lightness of expression so perhaps the inner play is still happening!

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  4. It's strange how we can get so used to having something around that we don't even see it until one day we see it through new eyes. A feeling of awe.... a gift! This little book is delightful and so interesting to see the different layers showing through. The second and the last photographs, in particular, are fascinating.

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  5. I absolutely love the book, it looks fascinating. I think you have put your finger right on the very issue that has been bothering me a lot lately - the issue of making work that is commercial enough to (hopefully) give up the mind-numbing day job or to spend time playing and knowing that these experiments probably won't sell, but will lead to new ideas. It's so difficult to strike the right balance.

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  6. Great post, Patti! I hear ya on so many of the points you raise. Balance, keep reading that word! It sounds so peaceful and effortless, and then you think what balance actually entails, which for most of us who are a little less steady in physical and metaphysical nature than a Zen master or circus acrobat, is a lot of effort and intense concentration! Not to mention repeated subtle (and not so subtle) adjustments to avoid complete collapse! I love your playful little book - this should be a belated 2011 resolution "More Playtime in Studio!"

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  7. Fiona...yes, there has still been a certain level of play and whimsy, but I recognized that it was more controlled and not quite so free as I once had been! Aren't we always just trying to learn to let go....thank you for your cheer and support, as always!

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  8. Robyn, yes it is amazing how much we get so used to "seeing" around us that we don't even see it anymore. I know I've "seen" that little book laying there for a very long time....but it was just part of a stack of little handmade books....now, it has become my long-lost friend and a valuable link to my former self! I do especially love that send to last photo...even though you can't really tell what it is...which is probably why I like it!

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  9. Carrie...your comment reminded me that I found another crazy little book some months back...full of random stitches....someone bought it!
    I think probably the real lesson is that we don't know who is out there in the buying public....there are plenty of people out there who will want the very thing you make that is the essential you....we must learn to let go!!! You can do it!!

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  10. Gabriella...yes, good belated resolution...more "playtime" in the studio! We all need the courage to play...isn't it sad that, as we grow older, play requires courage and letting go...when we are children, it's all we know how to do! The act of balancing is, as you say, about those subtle refinements....cheers!

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  11. What a delightful discovery! I can relate so much to what you have been thinking. I am at a crossroads myself, needing to make changes in my work and I am going through my past sketchbooks to discover a thread of personal continuity. Making a living from art making is indeed tricky- difficult to balance that with time to 'play' but somehow or other we must! Thanks for sharing- really!

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  12. Excellent post! I understand where you are coming from Patti. Thank you for sharing your blog with me -- it is bookmarked!!

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  13. i really like the look of this layered book. i really like your marks! really!

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  14. Annamaria...nice to hear from you! Yes, play is a must and I think it is so helpful to know we all have each other to share our joys and frustrations in the studio...thanks so much for your comment!

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  15. Amy...so nice to get to know you the last day or so on Etsy! I thought this post would give you some insight into my artistic life. Glad you enjoyed it!

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  16. Thank you Velma! That means a great deal to me! Cheers!

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I'm happy to hear from you...comments and questions are welcome!